i'm in mood of writing a new journal
it's gonna get longer, so ignore the next paragraph and go on at the one after, signed with the ">>>>>"
now there's just some melancholy stuff i want to write from my soul and don't know where else

well, at least i'm in a strange mood, cause at the moment i see the future coming like a fast train, and my feet don't want to move, so this future-train is gonna knock over me. the most important reason for that is school, cause i'll join now the last year. i'll have to write abitur and my essay about book-cover (which i should only start, than i could write it more or less without problems, but my motivation runs naked with a cocktail over the open countryside.. so.. yeah.. i think i'll start in autumn..) but fuck it, it IS autumn if i see the weather today -.- so the train is coming. and beside this school-damn-shit which leads me to an degree wich leads me to a practical (i have to search for) which leads me to a qualifying examination at the arts academy which leads me to a job and to the damn real life - which leads me to handeling other problems but job.. well, beside this there is my social life. love for example. well, but love's an asshole, i don't want to write too much about this fact, it's enough when it's in my head - or heart. who knows. i just feel like.. i don't know.. and that's the problem. i should be more sure about thoughts and feelings. hey, i'm nearly 19, i'm out of puberty, am i not?? i'm grown up since i'm 10, well, or i had to be in some parts of my life, not in all of course. in others i even had to be grown-up at the age of 9, so wtf? why am i an adult in these parts, like health (haha) or "friendship" (past: hahahahahahahha; now: eh?), but not in focusing future or other problems or love? and why do i have this damn melancholy hours where i'm just sitting on my bed, staring out of the window and thinking "if there weren't some people who would be really really sad, i would do anything.. stupid." maybe these are normal puberty-depressions, but as i said - i'm in parts grown-up, it's enough of that.
okay, and i see it's enough of this melancholy stuff, let's stop this paragraph and talk about something better (hey, i'm a good actor with this smile, am i not?)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SO:
thanks so much for 11,000 pageviews!! it's so great, thanks to all of my watchers and friends!

keep on enjoing my picture!

yours xxx
mareike